Shout-Out

It's been a good semester, tough but good. I've had some amazing professors over the years, especially in the Women's Studies department. I'm fascinated by powerful women in academia - their personalities, their mannerisms, and their relationships with their students. I've noticed that a lot of my female professors are brilliant but tend to be guarded, maybe because of "show-no-weakness" philosophy that male professors just don't really have to contend with. This can come off to a lot of people as being pedantic or stuck-up. But I've never found that with any of my mentors, they are all incredibly brilliant, fascinating women, and I feel privileged to have gotten to know them. I really admire and have the best relationships with professors who challenge me, who demand excellence from me but are willing to help me get there, especially with my writing. I remember particularly one of my undergraduate English professors tore my first paper apart (which made me cry) but then sat down with me and really worked with me on recognizing my strengths and how to improve. She essentially picked me up and threw me out into the deep end of the water, but knowing that I could swim ultimately. I am a better writer because of her.

Therefore, I'd like to thank all of these women who have had such a tremendous impact on me, who have made me a better student, a better feminist, and a better person: Sheila Garos, Tricia Earl, Marjean Purinton, Lynn Fallwell, Esther Lichti, Laura Calkins, and Kanika Batra. I can't thank you all enough for all you've done for me, you have been my mentors and I have loved getting to know you. You've made my university career the amazing experience it was.

Sexual Fluidity and Body Image: Does one protect the other?

I was talking with two very close friends of mine who were sharing with me the body-image issues they've had since childhood. I finally asked them, "So when did your issues with your body start?" They both said, "I've always thought I was fat." This made me incredibly sad, because I think they are both beautiful women, on the inside and the outside.

One them showed me pictures of her as a teenager, beautiful and healthy, standing next to girls in her high school who were stick-thin. "You see why I always thought I was fat? I was comparing myself to these girls." Didn't it occur to them that maybe these girls had body issues as well and were leading unhealthy lives just to get as thin as they were?  It particularly disturbed me when the other one said, "Even when I was exercising and losing weight, I was never satisfied. I always thought I could lose ten, twenty more pounds." I reminded her that that was the whole point of an eating disorder - someone who, no matter how thin they get, they always look in the mirror and see this ugly, fat monster. Someone who is genuinely mentally and physically ill.

Of course, both as a psychology major studying eating disorders and a feminist, I've long been aware of how the media promotes rail-thin women, to the point where anorexia for models is the sexy thing to do. Case in point:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VS2mfWDryPE

But at the same time, for me personally, I've never understood that mentality, even as a kid. When I saw magazine pictures of beautiful, thin women - not necessarily unhealthy, but slender - I wouldn't compare myself to them, I'd think "Man, she's hot." I appreciated her beauty without coveting it in any way. Why was I immune when I should have been socialized to believe I should look like them? I have a few theories - first of all, unlike a lot of middle-class white mothers, my mother never pushed any body issues on me. She never once commented on my appearance or my weight, (except maybe that I eat like a bird and should eat more, lol.) And when some asshole broke my heart, my father would always be there tell me how beautiful I am and that any man would be lucky to have me. It never really occurred to me that not all parents are like that.

But like I said, when I would see these images of beautiful women, I appreciate them wholly. Instead of comparing myself to them, like it's a competition, I take them for what they are - women who are lucky enough to have the money and time to look like they do, though this will not necessarily make them happy. Maybe it's because I have a genuine love and appreciation for the human body, both male and female. I think it's a wondrous piece of machinery, and that convinces me it could have never occurred by accident. And sometimes I wonder if my sexual fluidity actually worked as a protective factor against that kind of socialization that strives to tell girls they will never be pretty enough, thin enough, etc. I don't know if this is the case for all sexually fluid women, but it would be an interesting study. Why do we teach our women (and increasingly, men as well) that our bodies are our enemies, to be controlled and tamed? I'm not saying we should be downing "Krispy Kremes and milkshakes, spending our days thigh-expanding" (in the wonderful words of Eve Ensler). We should treat our bodies well, by not overindulging it or constraining it unnecessarily. Descartes was full of shit - your mind, body and spirit are not separate - your body's health is integral to your mind's and vice-versa.

I'm not a lesbian, I just live with a woman...

Today one of my mentors, a woman I absolutely adore and admire, said something so strange I can't help but blog about it. I've met her female life partner, with whom she is raising a child. But today we are talking about sexual identity and she says, "I may live with a woman but I'm not a lesbian, there is nothing about me that is lesbian. I still miss men and I couldn't imagine being with a woman if I wasn't with [my partner.] My lesbian friends just tell me I can't come out, but I promise you, I'm out, out out!"

I was blown away. For the longest time I have identified her as a lesbian in my mind, not in any negative or stereotyped way but because that's what her current orientation is. Even though my experience has taught me that just because someone has same-sex relationships does not mean they identify as gay or consider themselves part of the LGBT community, the socialized part of my mind struggled to come up with a different way to categorize her: "Wait, if she's not a lesbian, what the hell does she identify as?"

I had to consciously stop myself from doing this, to accept that she just is what she is: a bad-ass woman who is excellent at what she does and a wonderful mentor. Honestly, in the grander scheme of things, her sexual identity doesn't really matter. The only problem I really had with what she said was the particular phrase, "There's nothing lesbian about me." It made me wonder then what her construction of a lesbian is. If it is not a woman who connects emotionally, romantically, and sexually with another woman (or women), then what?

I'm currently reading this book called "Sexual Fluidity" by Lisa Diamond (even though I haven't read much of it yet, I would recommend it). It's the first time any theorist that I've read has made a distinction between "sexual orientation" and "sexual identity." For example, a woman who dates men but has had sexual relations with women may still identify as predominantly heterosexual. We may try with all of our might to categorize these people, but we are quickly learning as feminist theorists that labels simply don't work anymore. My mentor today taught me just how true that is becoming.

Surprise, Tiger Woods is human

Okay, I gotta comment on this whole Tiger Wood thing, since this has pretty much been the pinnacle of what has been a long string of exposures of and confessionals from male adulterers. I kept quiet about David Letterman and what-his-face (there's always someone having an affair), because honestly, I just didn't give a shit.

Why do I care now, especially since I couldn't care less about golf? I guess because no one expected it from Tiger. He always seemed so Zen, so squeaky clean and put together. I'm not here to make value judgments on what he did. But I will comment on people reaction to it. I'm reading about all these women coming forward and saying they slept with Tiger (wouldn't you?) and suddenly there are allegations of him being a sex addict: http://www.examiner.com/x-17416-Infidelity-Examiner~y2009m12d6-New-Details-About-Tiger-Woods-Secret-Love-Life-Reveal-He-May-Be-Addicted-to-Sex?cid=channel-rss-Relationships Um, I'm sorry, what?

Okay, first of all, this is a very serious inference about someone's mental health. It's not to be taken lightly. I have often long debated even the legitimacy of calling sex an addiction, but that's for another blog. Secondly, we don't even know if these women are telling the truth. It would be a perfect opportunity for them to get their 15 minutes. And plus, I love that they did these completely consensual acts with him but now they're coming out with claims of victimization and saying that he used them? I'm sorry, but I call bullshit.

If these women were coming out with allegations of rape or coercion of any kind, this issue would be a whole other kettle of fish and we should certainly take those issues seriously. I'm not saying what Tiger did to his wife wasn't wrong. But he's certainly not the first powerful athlete to cheat on his wife and he certainly won't be the last. Just leave the guy alone, for Christ's sake. It's not like he's a public official (oh wait, they get away with that too...)

Reaction: Black Tar Heroin

For my class recently, I watched a documentary called Black Tar Heroin: The Dark End of the Street. It follows five young adults in the late 90's who are heroin users, and black tar is a particularly addictive and heinous form of heroin. The way I've heard it described is that it "makes Trainspotting look like an after-school special." That is a pretty apt description. I noticed that several of my classmates were squirming in their seats at the sight of the needles penetrating the skin. I understand why, it’s absolutely revolting what heroin addicts do to their bodies, even being willing to shoot themselves up in the neck or jamming the needle into their muscles. However, I don’t believe in shying away from reality just because it makes us uncomfortable. This is a daily reality for more people than we think. It’s also a reality that I could never hope or pretend to understand. Yes, they all made a conscious choice to start using drugs, but then again, most of them were not as lucky as I was to grow up in a structured, supportive home. As a feminist, I was really fascinated by how sexuality is infused with drug use in several ways. I was especially interested in the opposing views on prostitution between Oreo/Jessica and Alice. Alice was just as much a drug addict as the rest of them, and yet she had principles she refused to compromise; unlike the others, she would never do sexual favors for drugs. Alice was my favorite person in the documentary, because she had a very different, articulate way of explaining drug use. Most people who talk about heroin use describe it as a hundred times better than the best orgasm, yet Alice described it as a way for young women to take away unwanted aspects of their sexuality that may be imposed on them by society. It makes me really sad to see such a creative, intelligent feminist like Alice throw her life away on drugs, but I was extremely proud of her for trying to quit in the end. I wonder how she’s doing more than ten years later. I’m not saying any of the others deserved to be drug addicts more than she did. Their drug dependence wasted away so much of their individual talents.

Power of the Pill

It really pisses me off when people say things about mental illness like, "I'm just against medication. Doctors want to give you a pill to make your problems go away, and they want to call you bipolar when really you just can't deal with the normal ups and downs of life."

I'm paraphrasing here, but this came from one of my coworkers that I'm actually pretty close to, and who should know me well enough NOT to say stuff like that. I could have replied that if she knew anything about mental illness she wouldn't say something like that. (She's getting her master's in counseling, by the way.) And she wouldn't be saying that about someone who had cancer or diabetes. She wouldn't be insisting a physical disease could be cured by force of the will, so why do people say that about mental illness? Instead all I said was, "Well, medication has turned my life around." Which is completely true.This is why I don't talk to many people about my anxiety and mood disorder - they either see you as a disease instead of a person ("I'm bipolar") or they dismiss your suffering altogether and tell you to get over it.

I know this doesn't seem like it has much to do with feminism, but mental health is very ingrained into my sense of feminism, and I actually hope to study feminist psychology in graduate school. Women are far more likely to present with major depression, borderline personality and eating disorders - don't you think old patriarchal concepts of the "hysterical female" have anything to do with that? Think about it.We also live in a society that stresses frontierist individualism and tells us to suck up our problems, that we can get through anything by strength of will or the power of God. (I actually read a book on anxiety that said that very thing.) And we feel forced to do it alone - we are isolated from our support networks, and that's something no medication can fix. I think men especially feel this, so I don't believe that women are depressed more than men are - I just think we teach our boys that it is a weakness to reach out for help or admit their suffering.

Don't misunderstand me, I don't look at any medication as a miracle worker that will solve any problem. That's why I'm in counseling as well. Nor is medication the right treatment for all people with psychological disorders. All psychotropic meds do is get you functional enough to actually deal with your problems. It's hard to do that effectively when all you want to do is slice up your wrists or you think you can fly off the rooftop. And that's all chemical. You cannot just "try" to be happier. What you can do is seek treatment and learn to manage and cope with it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take my meds so I can get out of bed in the morning and deal with life.

Is it worth it?

Six people showed up to the film viewing. SIX, after 20 or so said they were coming. Besides the executive board, two people came to the last planning meeting. After countless Facebook invitations, reminder emails, and TechAnnounce. After an announcement stating that the film viewing event was required for prospective actresses, because we need actresses who are also truly dedicated to working for V-day. I heard that the six people who came and participated were wonderful and enthusiastic about the V-Day cause. For that I would like to thank them deeply and I look forward to working with them.

As for the others who are absent, what am I doing wrong? Am I not being personal enough, sending out these mass emails? Am I not making it clear that these events should be a requirement for those who want to volunteer or act in the Vagina Monologues? I don't want to step on anyone's toes, or seem like the disciplinarian hardass I can truly be sometimes, because what does that accomplish? I care about this cause so much, and I truly believe in it. But I am also getting incredibly frustrated, as I know my V-day sisters must be. I wish people would understand how much we really need them - I was hoping that I related that clearly enough time and time again when we first began contacting people. The executive board, the three of us cannot do it alone. Without your help, V-Day will not happen. The victims of violence in Lubbock will not get the aid they need. And after all, that is what I'm truly in it for. For them.

So please, someone tell me what I'm doing wrong, whether in my organization, my people skills, or something. I'm feeling very lost and that my efforts are futile.

Women Just Aren't Funny?

This morning I was listening to the Bobby Bones show on KissFM, and they were playing clips from Kathy Griffin's new special "Balls of Steel." Now, I am just about the biggest Kathy Griffin fan ever. Her gays probably have me beat, but I'm pretty up there. I personally love her vagina jokes and I think she has broken new ground for women in comedy.

So I was thrilled to hear these new clips being played on the radio. But Bobby Bones kept interrupting the clips with negative comments like "I don't see how that's funny" or "I can't believe this woman makes millions of dollars." So as if I'm not pissed off enough that he's tearing down my favorite comedian, but then he starts in on, "Well, that's why there's so many more male comedians than women comedians, women just aren't funny." When the female DJ half-heartedly protested that some women are funny (which I thought was a pathetic attempt at arguing with him) he said, "Well I just don't know a lot of women who can pull off a joke right." Of course, it couldn't possibly be that there are a lot of hilarious women out there who just aren't being publicized because of discrimination in the entertainment industry - oh no, that's not it. Women just aren't funny. You know, I was just saying in my Feminist Thought and Theory class yesterday about how things are getting better and there are alternatives to sexist media out there - and then something like this happens. To the ladies in my class, I respectfully place my foot in my mouth.

Kathy Griffin has a very distinct cadence to her comedy - she doesn't conform to the standard "set-up, punchline, set-up, punchline" method, which can get really tiresome. She's funny because she tells the truth about how dumb and superficial some celebrities are. And a lot of people don't like that she tells the truth and doesn't give a shit what they think. Bottom line is, Bobby Bones is a sexist tard who wouldn't know comedy if it shot him in the ass. Needless to say, I won't be listening to 102.5 in the morning anymore, and he's gonna get a nice email from me.

And Kathy, if you're out there somewhere and you read this, just know that you have my support no matter what people say about you. I think you're hilarious and I love what you're doing for women in comedy.

Megan's Body: Women in Entertainment

I'm not gonna lie, I love writing about entertainment. I'm like Kathy Griffin in that I'm completed fascinated by some celebrities. How very American of me. I especially like looking at gender issues in the entertainment industry. But not just from the tired angle of "women are discriminated against and sexually objectified." I could whine about that all day and still not have told you anything you don't know.

I really like focusing on powerful women in entertainment, who are not passive objects of the male sexual gaze but actively take part in their own sexualization. I'm not putting a value judgement on that; I'm not saying it's good or bad, I'm just saying it fascinates me.

Megan Fox is one of those women. My boyfriend's obsessed with her, I'm fascinated by her. I've heard a lot of things about her - especially after the entire cast of Transformers turned against her and basically said she was a spoiled bitch who's full of herself. You know, like every other powerful man in the industry. I wanted to decide what I thought of her based her words from her own mouth. So I stumbled across this website with almost 40 Megan Fox-isms, not to mention a super-hot picture of her to go with each one: www.nbcnewyork.com/enjoy-this/Megan-Fox-isms-63678167.html

My favorite quote was this one:

"I think all women in Hollywood are known as sex symbols. That's what our purpose is in this business. You're merchandised, you're a product. You're sold and it's based on sex. But that's okay. I think women should be empowered by that, not degraded." - Entertainment Weekly, June 2009.

Not only does she recognize the exploitation and superficiality of Hollywood, but she also seems fully aware of her own objectification in Hollywood, which means she's definitely not stupid. And instead of rallying against it, she relishes it. My first reaction to that was, "Of course you can feel that way, you're f***ing Megan Fox." Other women in Hollywood may not feel so comfortable with it. Is Fox anti-feminist by saying that women should feel empowered as sexual commodities? Who knows, I'll leave it up to you to decide.

I love what she says about her own sexuality - it's so in-your-face and she does not give a shit what anyone thinks, especially other women, who all hate her, she assumes. She knows she's attractive and sexy, and some might say that makes her superficial, but on the other hand, she doesn't feign humility and ignorance of her sexuality, which can be just as annoying. She's definitely on one extreme of the "Madonna-whore" complex that seems to plague women, but at least she seems to choose that image for herself, which is feminist enough in my book.

I actually recently saw her latest film, "Jennifer's Body" - I used to hate any kind of horror but the double entendre of the title intrigued me. Not only was it a reference to Jennifer as a corpse, but also her body as a sexual object. The movie is actually full of black humor and is very entertaining, even though it only seems to skim the gender/sexuality issues the title implies. I won't read too much into it, but I'd say it's definitely worth a watch to see Megan Fox transmogrified into this insatiable sexual monster-literally. It's an interesting reflection of the image that Megan Fox herself projects to the outside world.

Anything personal is too personal...

I realize that with this blog I've relied on news headlines, media, pop culture to define my feminism. External things that anger me or that I find interesting. But so far on this blog, nothing about my feminism has come from within. I hide behind things going on in the world, point at them and say, "That's feminism." Knowing this is a deficit in my writing, I've struggled to sit down and find something personal to say...

And anything personal I come up with, I've said to myself, "Oh no, don't go there, people might actually read this." What would it mean to speak with the outside world about being a feminist with depression, a survivor of abuse, or a girl whose heart has been broken?

On the other side of that, what would it mean to talk about positive things my feminism has done for me--my fervent activism, my sexuality, or my "fuck 'em all" attitude in a conservative town? I mean, my mother reads this, for Christ's sake.

The point of this blog is to find my voice and live it - not to point at Shelby Knox or Gloria Steinem and say, "That is what true feminism is," (even though that's true), but to put myself on the spot and say, "I am feminism and here's why." I'm struggling with that still.

Republicans struggle to keep rape a "private" matter

Thought everyone would find this article interesting:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/19/defense-department-oppose_n_326569.html

30 Republicans voted against an amendment that would allow rape victims who are employees of defense contractors to bring the case to open court rather than solving it privately within the company. This sparked the mock-website:

http://www.republicansforrape.org/legislators/

I'm seriously confused on this one, other than just the knee-jerk compulsion of Republicans to veto anything brought forth by Democrats (which Democrats do the same thing, don't get me wrong). But I just cannot see their justification for this. Only one guy who voted said that he wants to make sure it's "enforceable." Elaborate, please.

Women in Rock

I just saw Skillet in concert over the weekend. Last weekend I saw Sick Puppies at Locofest in El Paso. In August at the X-fest I had the pleasure of seeing Halestorm. All three were absolutely amazing live.

The other thing these rock bands have in common is that they have female members: Skillet’s rhythm guitarist Korey Cooper and drummer Jen Ledger, Sick Puppies’ bassist Emma Anzai, and Halestorm’s lead singer and guitarist Lizzy Hale. All of these ladies, I’m glad to say, rock harder than a lot of male rock musicians out there. Not to mention that they are all ridiculously beautiful. You should have seen the men in the crowd go crazy for Emma Anzai when Sick Puppies took the stage, including my teenage brother.

I actually got to meet Lizzy Hale and Emma Anzai-I’m one of those crazy people who waits hours after the show and elbows people to get to them-and not only did I get their autographs, but I also got to tell them how much I love what they’re doing for women in rock. (By the way, when I told Halestorm I was doing women’s studies at Tech, one of the other band members told me his sister just got her master’s in feminist studies. How freaking cool is that?)

It’s interesting to see more women take on the guitar-of course, they’re still not lead guitarists generally- rather than bass. I learned about this study on female bassists in my Gendered Lives class where in interviews female bassists would say they prefer bass because it plays a more supportive role in the band, and that they actually prefer not being in the limelight as lead guitarists. It was an interesting study, and not to say that female bassists are merely victims of discrimination in rock music, but I am glad to see women taking on roles in rock we haven’t necessarily seen them in before. (The major exception would be the great Nancy Wilson of Heart, whom I still consider to be one of the greatest rock guitarists ever.)

I highly recommend all three of these bands, not simply because some of the members are female, but because they are amazing up-and-coming musicians. Here is Halestorm's "I Get Off" video for your enjoyment.

The ERA: 86th time is a charm?

I know I just keep posting news, but it just keeps coming to me:

The Equal Rights Amendment, which if you don't know was first introduced by Alice Paul (another badass woman you should know about; see Iron-Jawed Angels) in 1923. It has been introduced in every session of Congress since then. We only need 3 more states to ratify it.

Here is a bit of news from the ERA website:

The ERA in Congress

The Equal Rights Amendment was reintroduced in the House of Representatives on July 21, 2009, as H.J.Res. 61. Lead sponsors are Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney (D-NY) and Congresswoman Judy Biggert (R-IL). The Senate companion bill will be reintroduced shortly.

Looks like we've got some work to do, ladies! Don't let this opportunity slip by. Let's write our people in Congress and let them know how important it is to us! Show your support. Maybe with the administration we have, it may finally pass. I really believe it has a chance this time around.

By the way, Texas is one of the states who has ratified the ERA. Go us!

Another Survivor Comes Forward

Yet another case of kidnapping, rape and patriarchal terrorism. At least this one's going to trial and hopefully he will get raped repeatedly and rot in jail.

Elizabeth Smart is a badass, that's all I have to say. From her testimony and her statements she has truly made the transition from victim to survivor. Now she's becoming an advocate and bringing her rapist to justice. I wish I were half as brave as her and I've never gone through anything close to what she went through.

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=8129503

Sexual abuse is everyone's business: How many times do I have to say it?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alex-leo/mackenzie-phillips-rape-i_b_295545.html

I was never into the Mamas and the Papas, but I read the article about Mackenzie Phillips being sexually abused by her father for over a decade.

I congratulate Ms. Phillips on her courage to tell her story as a survivor. And I also abhor the fact that People magazine and the media use it as the weekly Hollywood shocker instead of starting a real discourse about incest and victimization.

As to claims that the relationship "became consensual," I agree with Alex Leo that even though she was of legal age to give consent, a sexual relationship between father and daughter is not really about sex at all, but represents a power differential that remains in place no matter how old the daughter is. In Texas, it would have been illegal for anyone to have sex with her when she was so heavily intoxicated.

All these stories cropping up about sexual victimization (Jaycee Dugard, Mackenzie Phillips, Roman Polanski) should wake people up to the fact that rape happens. And not usually by strangers either. Often victims not only know but trust their abusers. This is an issue that should not remain quiet anymore.

Twilight: the ultimate battle between fantasy and feminism

It is hard to be a feminist and a Twilight fan.

Seriously. I was discussing this with one of my friends, who is a total closet case when it comes to Twilight for that very reason. Twilight pulls you in and is so entertaining, and it also goes against all of my feminist sensibilities. Bella is all a-twitter over this guy she thinks is perfect, and when he leaves she becomes this hollow basketcase, as if she weren’t a full human being before Edward came along.

My friend and I were also discussing this Team Edward vs. Team Jacob issue. We both agreed that there are aspects of Edward that are completely Victorian: he controls her behavior under the pretense of “keeping her safe”, he leaves her desolated and alone, and then when he comes back he pressures her into getting married. I’m sorry, what decade do we live in?

Then there’s Jacob. Ah, both my friend and I sighed at the very mention of his name. Let’s put aside the fact that Taylor Lautner is completely dreamy (seriously, I haven’t had a schoolgirl crush this bad since Zac Hanson). Jacob is just freaking awesome. I didn’t used to feel this way about Jacob – the way I saw it, both Jacob and Edward were both just macho chauvinist boys each trying to mark Bella as their territory (get it? Dog, werewolf? Eh, whatever) But when I looked at my own life experiences, I realized that Jacob is Bella’s friend, he is there for her when Edward is not, he treats her like an equal, the way that she deserves. And she completely disregards him for Edward. I believe this scenario is all too familiar: nice guys finish last.

Here’s my point: why do we socialize girls to think that the boys who hurt us, who leave us and make us cry are the ones we are supposed to be with? Twilight isn’t the only culprit, either – you see it all over female-targeted media (Grey’s Anatomy definitely comes to mind.) In the most extreme cases, these patterns of relationships can lead to domestic violence and patriarchal terrorism.

Please don’t get me wrong, I still love the Twilight series and I’m certainly not accusing Stephanie Meyer of promoting relationship abuse. She just wanted to write an entertaining series and she does a damn good job of it. But I think as women we need to remind ourselves that it’s fantasy – it isn’t real, Edward doesn’t exist and if he does we should avoid him at all costs and realize the true value of the Jacobs of this world – men who treat women like equals, with tenderness and utmost respect.

All that being said, I’m seriously looking forward to New Moon coming out in November and seeing Taylor Lautner’s half-naked body for most of the movie (am I objectifying him? Maybe a little).

The Real Monster?

When someone commits an act of violence and the other person assists, who is the real monster? Going deeper on the issue of deviant women, what if the man is a rapist and the accomplice is his wife? In a recent article on the Jaycee Dugard case, I ran into an article in which an acquaintance of the kidnappers was interviewed, and a most interesting quote popped out:

“She [the wife] is the real monster. She is a woman and she should never have let this happen.”

Of course, the two clauses in one sentence suggests that the wife’s gender is somehow connected with her morality: that she should never allowed the kidnapping and sexual slavery of a young girl because she is a woman. How does this person come to such a conclusion? What kind of leap of logic is that? But of course, to this person who is no one but a neighbor, it is not a leap at all. People assume that of the two genders, women are morally superior. This was the argument many suffragists offered as a “pragmatic” argument. Because women are morally superior, their vote would improve the world. History in this and many other cases has proven otherwise. Apparently this acquaintance knew nothing of the female Nazi camp leaders who skinned prisoners and made lampshades out of them. He/She’d clearly never heard of Eileen Wuornos or any of the other rare but deadly female serial killers. History has proven over and over again that some women are just as capable of evil acts as some men are. Just because they are women does not mean they are either weaker or more sensitive to the suffering of others.

So why did this person make such an assumption? For me, the more accurate affirmation would have been, “She is a human being and should never have let this happen.” People like Jaycee’s kidnappers are the exception, not the rule. Most people, be they men or women, would find the idea of kidnapping a young girl and keeping her in a tent abhorrent. More to the point, this person states that not only is she at fault for not stopping it as a woman, but she is more evil than the actual perpetrator. I agree that there are two kinds of evil people: those who do evil things, and people who see evil things being done and do nothing about it. But saying she is the real monster for sitting back and watching as her husband raped and kept hostage a woman for 18 years? That is simply nonsensical.

Here is the link to the article:
http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/08/31/crimesider/entry5277289.shtml

Introduction: Establishing a Theory of Me (A Feminist)

My name is Amanda and I am a feminist. What does that mean? Even feminists disagree on actual definitions, so I won’t nitpick here. I’ll simply explain what it means for me to be a feminist. There is of course, the obvious goal of obtaining equality between men and women. And equality to me means equality of opportunity, not necessarily making men and women the same. Anti-feminists often freak out about the fear that feminists are attempting to eradicate gender categories altogether, and some of them very well may be. But there are a lot of female feminists who focus more on what makes them special as women and what women can do to make the world better when they band together. I kind of focus on both: eradicating the effects of gender that disadvantage women, but also celebrating the individual qualities of men, women, and those who choose not to live within the gender binary. I drive people crazy when they ask me what the definition of feminism is and my response is, “There is no definition of feminism.” And I’m sure a lot of feminist theorists would strongly disagree with me. While studying theory is great for developing a foundation of thoughts and goals, feminism for me is more about how you live it, every day. And these ways of living are constantly evolving. What feminism means to a white middle-class college student in the U.S. is going to be very different from what it means to a 30-year old Islamic woman living in Afghanistan. But I do believe the goal at the heart of feminism is the same for everyone: making the world a better place for women to live in. The approaches to doing this are innumerous.

Next I have to define gender. Gender is how someone acts out masculinity and femininity, or the spectrum between. I like to think of gender as a continuum between masculinity and femininity. I have tried every which way to find a way of deleting gender lines and roles, but it seems like gender will be a part of our lives forever, whether ordained by biology or shaped by culture, or a little bit of both, which is the theory I usually go with. I have often struggled with defining qualities that fall into the categories of “masculine” and “feminine.” Do these qualities really belong in these categories by nature or has society merely assigned them into these categories? Am I feminine because I’m emotional and have an earring obsession, and masculine because I am assertive and solution-focused? I drove myself crazy with these questions before I finally just came to the conclusion that I just am who I am, and I define my gender for myself. I’m such a relativist that I have a hard time coming up with strict definitions of gender, just like feminism, and figure that everyone needs to define it for themselves.

As my Gendered Lives professor says, “We are like a fish in water when it comes to gender.” Everything we do is saturated in gender and most of the time we don’t see it or even think about it. But once you start thinking about it, you won’t ever be able to stop noticing things that are gendered. Toiletries, advertisements, occupations, religion, violence is gendered. People get so annoyed with me when I point out some random thing and say, “Look, it’s gendered.” Even my boyfriend started doing it as a running joke but then started noticing gendered things I didn’t even see. In my early years as a teenage feminist I saw gender as a negative thing, as a limitation imposed on me by society. It’s true in that society will try in every way to impose gender labels on you. But now I’ve come to think of gender as a form of creative expression, a positive space in which to form identity, which I think is something everybody needs.

The purpose of this blog is to write about feminism, gender, and sexuality, and how the three intertwine and integrate themselves into our everyday lives in ways that we cannot even see. The diversity of human sexuality is such a fascinating subject to me, from a personal standpoint obviously but also from an academic standpoint. It is also fascinating to me that sex is such a powerful force in our lives that a lot of groups seek to rein it in by imposing rigid moral restrictions on it. My main research concerns about sexuality include women’s sexual health, the LGBT community, and sex education curriculums. This blog will also contain personal concerns, how my gender and sexuality may play out in my life. The important thing for me is that I define that for myself. If I want to be feminine and wear skirts, I’ll do that; if I want to be the butchest woman alive and be aggressive (I find racquetball to be a great way to release aggression) then that’s what I’ll damn well do. The important thing is to realize all the different aspects of my character, without limiting myself through manufactured rules about how I as a woman should act. It’s never occurred to me to do anything else, really, but maybe a girl like me struggling with her identity will read this and realize that she can too. Being a feminist is not about being a man-hater or a lesbian or a liberal, and it’s not about making the right choice for feminism; it’s about having the choice to do so in the first place.

P.S. By the way, I picked the name Artemis in a Red Tie inspired by my costume for the Vagina Monologues I wore last year when I performed. I wore the red tie to symbolize a sacred masculine aspect of my character, but using it in a feminine way to celebrate women, which is what the Vagina Monologues intends to do. I’ve worn that tie several times since then as a statement of my integration of masculinity and femininity in my expression of gender. In addition, Artemis has always been my favorite Greek goddess. She is feminine, mysterious, associated with the moon, but she’ll also have her dogs tear you to shreds if you cross her. I like that.