Introduction: Establishing a Theory of Me (A Feminist)

My name is Amanda and I am a feminist. What does that mean? Even feminists disagree on actual definitions, so I won’t nitpick here. I’ll simply explain what it means for me to be a feminist. There is of course, the obvious goal of obtaining equality between men and women. And equality to me means equality of opportunity, not necessarily making men and women the same. Anti-feminists often freak out about the fear that feminists are attempting to eradicate gender categories altogether, and some of them very well may be. But there are a lot of female feminists who focus more on what makes them special as women and what women can do to make the world better when they band together. I kind of focus on both: eradicating the effects of gender that disadvantage women, but also celebrating the individual qualities of men, women, and those who choose not to live within the gender binary. I drive people crazy when they ask me what the definition of feminism is and my response is, “There is no definition of feminism.” And I’m sure a lot of feminist theorists would strongly disagree with me. While studying theory is great for developing a foundation of thoughts and goals, feminism for me is more about how you live it, every day. And these ways of living are constantly evolving. What feminism means to a white middle-class college student in the U.S. is going to be very different from what it means to a 30-year old Islamic woman living in Afghanistan. But I do believe the goal at the heart of feminism is the same for everyone: making the world a better place for women to live in. The approaches to doing this are innumerous.

Next I have to define gender. Gender is how someone acts out masculinity and femininity, or the spectrum between. I like to think of gender as a continuum between masculinity and femininity. I have tried every which way to find a way of deleting gender lines and roles, but it seems like gender will be a part of our lives forever, whether ordained by biology or shaped by culture, or a little bit of both, which is the theory I usually go with. I have often struggled with defining qualities that fall into the categories of “masculine” and “feminine.” Do these qualities really belong in these categories by nature or has society merely assigned them into these categories? Am I feminine because I’m emotional and have an earring obsession, and masculine because I am assertive and solution-focused? I drove myself crazy with these questions before I finally just came to the conclusion that I just am who I am, and I define my gender for myself. I’m such a relativist that I have a hard time coming up with strict definitions of gender, just like feminism, and figure that everyone needs to define it for themselves.

As my Gendered Lives professor says, “We are like a fish in water when it comes to gender.” Everything we do is saturated in gender and most of the time we don’t see it or even think about it. But once you start thinking about it, you won’t ever be able to stop noticing things that are gendered. Toiletries, advertisements, occupations, religion, violence is gendered. People get so annoyed with me when I point out some random thing and say, “Look, it’s gendered.” Even my boyfriend started doing it as a running joke but then started noticing gendered things I didn’t even see. In my early years as a teenage feminist I saw gender as a negative thing, as a limitation imposed on me by society. It’s true in that society will try in every way to impose gender labels on you. But now I’ve come to think of gender as a form of creative expression, a positive space in which to form identity, which I think is something everybody needs.

The purpose of this blog is to write about feminism, gender, and sexuality, and how the three intertwine and integrate themselves into our everyday lives in ways that we cannot even see. The diversity of human sexuality is such a fascinating subject to me, from a personal standpoint obviously but also from an academic standpoint. It is also fascinating to me that sex is such a powerful force in our lives that a lot of groups seek to rein it in by imposing rigid moral restrictions on it. My main research concerns about sexuality include women’s sexual health, the LGBT community, and sex education curriculums. This blog will also contain personal concerns, how my gender and sexuality may play out in my life. The important thing for me is that I define that for myself. If I want to be feminine and wear skirts, I’ll do that; if I want to be the butchest woman alive and be aggressive (I find racquetball to be a great way to release aggression) then that’s what I’ll damn well do. The important thing is to realize all the different aspects of my character, without limiting myself through manufactured rules about how I as a woman should act. It’s never occurred to me to do anything else, really, but maybe a girl like me struggling with her identity will read this and realize that she can too. Being a feminist is not about being a man-hater or a lesbian or a liberal, and it’s not about making the right choice for feminism; it’s about having the choice to do so in the first place.

P.S. By the way, I picked the name Artemis in a Red Tie inspired by my costume for the Vagina Monologues I wore last year when I performed. I wore the red tie to symbolize a sacred masculine aspect of my character, but using it in a feminine way to celebrate women, which is what the Vagina Monologues intends to do. I’ve worn that tie several times since then as a statement of my integration of masculinity and femininity in my expression of gender. In addition, Artemis has always been my favorite Greek goddess. She is feminine, mysterious, associated with the moon, but she’ll also have her dogs tear you to shreds if you cross her. I like that.