Dynamics of Men and Women in Mixed Groups

I've recently had a couple of experiences in a class that have thoroughly pissed me off and that I feel I cannot keep quiet about. My professor told me that even if we disagree we must band with all the potential allies we can get. I really appreciate it when men want to be a part of women's studies but at the same time I feel the conversational dynamics (or lack of) pose a great problem for alliances between men and women in feminism.

This guy in my class completely trashed a well-known theorist in our class, claiming that it was "complete and utter nonsense." WTF? This theorist is incredibly intelligent (yes, dude, she IS smarter than you), she's been doing this for a long time, and most importantly, she is worthy of some form of respect. He said this with no backup whatsoever, not "I don't like her because..." or "I just didn't agree with her on..." I'm sorry, but to say it's nonsense is just another way of saying "I didn't understand it therefore it must be nonsense."

I spoke with my professor about it at length, and she gave me some really good advice. She told me to look to him as an ally, even if we disagree, and that it's not worth it to get so pissed off. She advised me to let it go. I took this to heart and went to class the next day determined to remain chill and forget about it. 

Then the next day one of my classmates was sharing an anecdotal experience that was relevant to our discussion. This guy completely turned on her, practically spitting out that anecdotes are useless and not generalizable for theory. He continued this argument over and over even though the rest of us as well as the professor were trying to defend her and explain to him that she wasn't implying that at all, in fact she was presenting it as the exception to the rule. His final comment was "Well, I reject the anecdote." I just about lost it. I responded by telling a story of my own and saying pointedly "I know that's an ANECDOTE but I was just sharing my own experience."

My professor just about jumped my ass and told me to calm down, which was partly justified because I know that one of my biggest weakness is the inability to control my temper and keep my big mouth shut. It's like word vomit. I just couldn't stand the pointed, potentially hurtful comments directed at one of my peers. No, the fight may not be worth it, but it is when they start bullying other people. I just won't stand for that.

The point to this story is that I wonder sometimes if this is just how men tend to act in mixed groups. They feel they have to talk over people, argue about everything and be totally inconsiderate of others in order to get their point across. This is the way they are trained from birth to interact with people, while women are taught to be quiet, acquiescent to others' views, and to build relationships no matter what. Neither being assertive nor considerate of others' viewpoints are bad things, but there is a point where it is just counterproductive to a discursive, respectful environment. And next time he pulls this bullshit, I will be all over his ass, I don't care if I get kicked out of the class.